We Can Do Better by David Goldbloom

Author:David Goldbloom
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Published: 2021-05-04T00:00:00+00:00

5 ◇◇◇◇◇

MARTHA AND DEPRESSION

INNOVATION: PERSONALIZED CARE

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Genes That Fit and Magnetic Attraction

Martha is thirty-seven years old, a successful lawyer with two children under five years of age, living with her husband and live-in nanny in an upscale Toronto neighbourhood. She made partner in her Toronto firm at thirty-two and now enjoys a city-wide reputation as an aggressive litigator. Despite her successes, Martha has always known doubt and has experienced regular fluctuations in her mood, with a predictable tendency to feel down in October and November, as the days grow short.

This fall, in the absence of any particular change in her work or home environment, Martha felt more down than usual. She first noticed that she was waking up early in the morning, unable to go back to sleep after 5 a.m. It was at this early hour that she often felt her worst. She started to withdraw from social situations, giving a variety of excuses, and letting the phone go to voice mail. She admitted to her husband that she just didn’t see the point anymore and didn’t enjoy things; she felt like a sham and doubted whether she had ever really been happy. “I think this is the real me,” she said. Without wanting to, she began to lose weight; initially, people complimented her on it and asked for her secret, but after several months, she started to look haggard and drawn. Her face took on a new flatness, seemingly unreactive to things good or bad. She even appeared to be moving more slowly. She became forgetful at work, had difficulty focusing, and was preoccupied with the idea that she had made a mistake, which meant checking and rechecking her work and consequently missing deadlines. Her colleagues tried to cheer her up with reassurance and suggested she simply needed a good holiday—“just go crash on a beach for a week; you can afford it.” She began coming home early and spending time alone in her bedroom. One day, her husband found her organizing documents related to the house, investments, insurance, and the children into a file folder; she commented to him that they would be better off without her.

She considered speaking with her family doctor, but felt reluctant to drop her mask and reveal her distress. She made excuses to herself, fearing somehow that opening up would make it worse and would confirm her darkest fears. She also saw herself as an essentially healthy and capable person, who had bounced back after two pregnancies without any baby blues and had resumed her spot on the ladder at work. She had dutifully attended a lecture at her law firm on mental illness in the workplace, but thought of the content more in the context of her colleagues than herself—and knew that her being there reflected in part the need to accumulate annual continuing education credits.

Martha has a family doctor she likes and trusts, a supportive family, a network of caring friends, and financial means. Sometimes it is still not enough. Martha convinces herself she can ride it out, much as she has overcome other challenges in her life.

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